More SAT problems

I hope you enjoyed the Harvard Commercial from the last post. Watch this first.

Got it? One of the major obstacles some people have to overcome is not the grammar (they know the grammar already), but the fact that they focus on the wrong things. Speaking of which, here are some problems for you to practice on. See how fast you can finish them.

You can literally do this question in 10 seconds if you know what to look for.

The agency reports that by rigorously enforcing state regulations, industrial pollution has been successfully reduced to acceptable levels.
(A) industrial pollution has been successfully reduced to acceptable levels.
(B) acceptable levels of industrial pollution have been successfully reduced.
(C) a reduction of industrial pollution to acceptable levels has succeeded.
(D) they have succeeded to reduce industrial pollution to acceptable levels.
(E) it has succeeded in reducing industrial pollution to acceptable levels.

Harvard Commercial

Essay Examples

Need some fresh examples for your essay? Here are just two of the many interesting videos on TED.
(1) groundbreaking research on creativity (2) A mind-reading headset and

SAT Grammar: Tip on Phrases like "the fastest of all land animals"

QUICK TIP

I posted this in an old post:

27. (A) Attaining speeds of (B) up to 60 miles per hour, cheetahs (C) are perhaps the (D) fastest of land animals. (E) No error

Someone asked me if it is wrong to say something like "the cheetah is the fastest of all land animals". Why, the person asked, can we not simply say "the cheetah is the fastest animal?" On the SAT, there is nothing wrong either phrase.

Since most (or all) of you have lived in Taiwan for quite some time now, you may have at some point passed by this store:

PANTS KINGDOM: "Even the biggest of birds can fit in our pants." (That's an owl in there). There's nothing wrong with that sentence. Somebody knows his grammar.

SAT Grammar: Idioms, "Words that Go Together", Confusing Words, the Subjunctive Mood, and Weird Problems

As testing day approaches, you should familiarize yourself with the less common grammar problems.

As there are innumerable idiomatic phrases, I can only give you a few suggestions and pray (figuratively) that you will either encounter idioms you already know or run into the ones below. If you are hoping to advance to the 700+ level but often find yourself struggling with idiomatic phrases and other strange expressions, it is crucial that you review the following.

SAT Grammar: The Subjunctive Mood in the Multiple Choice Portion and the Essay (important!)

(Update: For more information, see these Wiki articles on the English subjunctive and Irrealis mood)

I'm not big on using grammar terms, since I don't often find it necessary to invoke fancy-sounding rules to get people to effectively do the SAT writing section. However, more and more students seem to be so familiar with the more common grammar errors (e.g., subject-verb agreement, pronoun reference, tense, etc.) that I'd only be hurting their score if I don't discuss one of the quirkier problems of the writing section. I.e., the subjunctive mood. Here's something they might not already know (thanks, Wikipedia):

The subjunctive mood in English grammar includes particular verb forms that are used in certain clauses, chiefly dependent clauses, to express necessity, desire, purpose, suggestion and similar ideas, or a counterfactual condition.

Here's how the subjunctive mood works:

Altar of Hymen, Temple of Low Men: College Board Bowdlerization and Reading Practice!

Since we're going to talk about gender equality reading passages today, the following image seems pertinent to the discussion:

About a week ago, someone asked me to look over some SAT reading questions. Since I did not have a copy of the test, I decided to get creative with Google. Although I failed to find the SAT passage itself, I did manage to find the original passage, which turned out to be an excerpt from a chapter of Charlotte Brontë's novel, Shirley. The reading was less boring than it looked; its double entendre (pronounced more like du-blan-tand than dubble an-tan-dra), made me chuckle:

Never to the altar of Hymen with Sam Wynne.

I'm no literature wiz, but my guess is that she meant to say that Sam Wynne, the rich and vulgar moron who sucks at both art and literature, will neither be a "high man" (man of high culture) nor the man who deflowers her, thereby rupturing her "hymen". Cool! A joke about virgins! Or, perhaps the joke is illusory, merely a product of my libidinous brain and millions of years of evolution.

At any rate, College Board found the term "hymen" objectionable and thus censored out Ms. Brontë's reference to that portion of the female genitalia. Here is the sterilized, SAT version of that particular sentence.

Never to the altar with Sam Wynne.

See? Now the sentence isn't funny at all. Anyway, I've given an excerpt of the original version below. Just read the passage as practice for the upcoming test. If you don't understand the reading, ask me. If you're too lazy to ask me, then you'll have to make do with the following synopsis:

1. Uncle tells girl to marry a, well, "tool".
2. Girl refuses to marry the tool.
3. Uncle argues with girl, who responds with girlish wit and sarcasm.
4. Uncle, vexed by the girl's wit and sarcasm, begins to call the girl "unladylike".
5. Girl doesn't give a damn. She isn't going to marry a tool.
6. Uncle proceeds by making empty threats, telling the girl that she will marry a mendicant.
7. Girl doesn't give a damn. She won't marry a mendicant.

This is a classic Gender Equality reading passage. Thus, you should expect the girl to be in the right and the guy to be in the wrong. As a whole, the passage will advocate gender equality. It will likely present men in a somewhat negative light and put women in new-found positions of power or freedom (after years of sexism or oppression).

Read the passage (posted below) yourself.

Tip: Make your essays interesting, even if you must annoy a few lawyers

I don't rant on this blog very often. But I'm about to.

Those of you who are either struggling with the essay portion or hoping to increase your score will be happy to learn that I have some fresh examples. Nope, I'm not gonna give you another one of those yawn-inducing dreck that scored a 12/12 on the SAT simply by merit of sheer length and grammatical correctness. Instead, I'm going to give you (1) a piece of yawn-inducing dreck that I wrote a year ago while interning at a Taiwanese law firm and (2) a much more exciting piece of awesomeness that I wrote for the same firm. Now, please follow these instructions.

1. While reading essay (1), yawn if you need to.
2. While reading essay (2), keep your eyes peeled for for the following statements:

It may be safe to conclude, then, that Walmex is doubly bad: first, it committed bribery, and then it had the balls to (unsuccessfully) “hush up” allegations.

and

 Wal-Mart’s semi-apologetic comments reek of hogwash.

"Hehehe! Raymond used the word 'balls'," you giggle. Well, yes. I emailed the apparently ballsy paper to the attorney who was "mentoring" me, and she replied--stiffly and fallaciously--as follows:

The SAT is coming. You can't play around anymore.

First, watch Grammar Nazis:



Below are some problems I gleaned from the SAT writing section. Do them. The answers to the problems are at the bottom of this post. I have not found time to write an analysis of the problems, but I hope to write said analysis within the next 48 hours. In the meantime, if you have questions, you can contact me via the comment box or Facebook.

Give yourself 13 minutes to finish the problems below.

Incident in a Rose Garden

One of the reasons I like to teach is that I like the stuff I teach. Since we've already covered explosive diarrhea gummy bears in the last post, let's read something a bit more serious. There are two versions of this poem. This one is better, I think.

Incident in a Rose Garden: Donald Justice

The gardener came running.
An old man, out of breath.
Fear had given him legs.

Sir, I encountered Death
Just now among our roses
Thin as a scythe he stood there.

I knew him by his pictures
He had on his black coat
Black gloves, and broad black hat.

I think he would have spoken,
Seeing his mouth stood open.
Big it was, with white teeth.

As soon as he beckoned, I ran.
I ran untill I found you.
Sir, I'm quitting my job.

I want to see my sons
Once more before I die.
I want to see California.

Gummy Bears that Induce Flatulence and Explosive Bathroom Trips

Wanna read something funny? I've read some interesting Amazon reviews, but the ones you are about to read will kill you (Thanks, Dick Su): Here you go.

But first, do these question:

17. Just when (A) those who were watching from the sidelines feared (B) the worst, the athletes (C) themselves (D) are the most confident. (E) No error 

23. (A) Something of a phenomenon (B) in the entertainment world, political satirists (C) are admired by conservatives and radicals (D) alike. (E) No error  

27. (A) Attaining speeds of (B) up to 60 miles per hour, cheetahs (C) are perhaps the (D) fastest of land animals. (E) No error

The answers are at the bottom of the post.

For those of you who are too lazy to click on the link above, here's a Gummy Bear review, written by one C. Torok.

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN! 

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper. 

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me. 

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors. 

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.
AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

Hugh Gallagher's Essay and Dos Equis Commercials

Contrary to popular belief, Hugh Gallagher's hilarious essay was not actually submitted to any university. Still, it's funny. I find the essay uncannily similar to the old Dos Equis commercials. Watch this before you read the essay:

Now, read the essay:

3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

---

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

This is what you'll look like if you don't study NOW.

Epithet / Epitaph / Epigram / Epigraph

EPI- The words "epithet", "epitaph", "epigram", and "epigraph" may look similar, but the prefix "epi" is pretty much where the similarity ends. "Epi" is Greek for "above", "upon", or "on". Think "epidermis" and "epicenter".

EPITHET: An "epithet" means a nickname. As in "The Big Apple is an epithet for New York City" or "An angry driver rolled down his window and yelled '!@#$', "3!@#$", "*^$#" and sundry colorful epithets at me." So as you see, epithets can be used in a negative way. In fact, the term "epithet" often "refers to an abusive, defamatory, or derogatory phrase" (thanks, Wikipedia). Unsurprisingly, then, the phrase "racial epithet" means "racial slur", not merely "racial nickname".

Synonyms for "epithet": sobriquet, appellation, nickname

EPITAPH: An "epitaph" is this thing:

EPIGRAM: a pithy saying. E.g., "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!" - Ogden Nash

Similar words: axiom, aphorism, adage, maxim, proverb, witticism, bon mot, saw, quip

EPIGRAPH: An epigraph is a quotation used to introduce a piece of writing or an inscription on a building. Don't confuse an "epigraph" with a "dedication", though.

Please read this.

Now do this one:

16. (A) Along the curve of islands known as the Florida Keys (B) lies a reef of living coral, (C) the only one of (D) a kind in the continental United States. (E) No error

The Big Bang Theory

Watch this:

If you don't know the word "arbitrary", you probably shouldn't be taking the SAT. Kudos to you if you can figure out what the Munchhausen Trilemma (a.k.a. Agrippa's Trilemma) is.

The Perfect Score: Cheating on the SAT

I'm still in the process of refining this blog, so I apologize if there are still a few flaws. In the meantime, you can watch this: The Perfect Score: Cheating on the SAT (my apologies for not embedding this video). For those of you who have not clicked the link, it's about an Emory student who took the SAT for at least 16 people. Interesting, right? Oh, and check this out, the College Board dude commits a parallel sentence structure mistake in that video at 10:40. Says he,

Since I believe that almost all the students take the test honestly, with integrity, and the score is valid, it’s very important that we not overreact to this case or any future cases, and do things that would be onerous and detrimental to the actual long-term security or access for the administration.

See it?

SAT cheating is actually quite common in Asia though. Read  Asians Cheat Like Mad and South Korean Cheating Scandal Hits University Bids. Please excuse my cynicism, but you law-abiding students shouldn't underestimate the craftiness of wealthy prestige whores.

Anyway, the SAT mercenary seems to be a pretty good tutor (sorry, I can't embed this video either). In fact, I wholeheartedly agree with all of his advice. I wish he had tutored me on the math section, though. I never did figure out how to use a TI-86. I would've figured it out had I watched that video.

Do this one. It's easy if you know what you're doing (or if you've been paying attention in class):

1. When for the first time the United States imported more oil than it exported, Americans should have realized that an energy crisis was imminent and could happen in the future.
(A) was imminent and could happen in the future
(B) could happen imminently in the future
(C) will be imminent and happening soon
(D) is an imminent thing
(E) might be imminent

Happy studying!

Ozymandias in Breaking Bad

Many of you know I'm obsessed with Breaking Bad. Anyway, here's "Ozymandias", narrated by Bryan Cranston in this awesome teaser:

Also, hats off to Gale Boetticher for reciting a bit of Leaves of Grass in this classic scene.

Oh, and since you're already here, do this one. Hint: It's a trap!

25. The famous filmmaker (A) had a tendency (B) of changing his recollections, perhaps

(C) out of boredom (D) at having to tell interviewers the same story over and over. (E) No error

Ray's foray into SAT blogging nerdom.

Hi,

If you're visiting this website, you're probably one of my students. Well, if you are, congratulations! You've made it here before you succumbed to the temptations of whatever it is you do when you don't study.

Now that you're here, you may be wondering why I made a blog about the SAT writing section when there are so many other less noble activities I can kill the day with. To answer your question, I made this blog so that I can

(1) answer questions that I often get from you guys,
(2) upload homework assignments,
(3) give you tips on the essay section,
(4) (try to) put up funny or interesting stuff that is relevant to the SAT, and
(5) instill an appreciation for the English language in general by showing you cool things.

Don't be intimidated by my boundless enthusiasm. I hope I can make your path to academic success as painless as possible. I'll respond to your questions with great alacrity and shower you with as much encouragement as that sarcastic voice in my head would allow J. The rest is up to you.

Raymond Chuang

P.S. Please let me know if anything I write in this blog is plainly wrong. I'll try to stay as grammatically correct as I can, but I gotta be somewhat informal. So, please don't go all schoolteacher-with-her-sharpie-ready on me either, yeah?