Paragraph Improvement

Tips
1. Apply the technique you use for the Sentence Improvement and Identify Sentence Error portions to the Paragraph Improvement section.
2. Mark any grammatical mistakes and areas of awkwardness before you read the questions.
3. Try to prephrase an answer for each potential error so that you are less likely to be distracted by incorrect answer choices.
4. Use process of elimination.

Consider the following Paragraph Improvement stimulus:

Questions 30-35 are based on the following passage.
     (1) My father has an exceptional talent. (2) The ability to understand people. (3) When I have a problem that I think no one else will understand, I take it to my father. (4) He listens intently, asks me some questions, and my feelings are seemingly known by him exactly. (5) Even my sister can talk to him more easily than to me. (6) Many people seem too busy to take the time to understand one another. (7) My father, by all accounts, sees taking time to listen as essential to any relationship, whether it involves family, friendship, or work.
     (8) At work, my father's friends and work associates benefit from this talent. (9) His job requires him to attend social events and sometimes I go along. (10) I have watched him at dinner, his eyes are fixed on whoever is speaking, and he nods his head at every remark. (11) My father emerges from such a conversation with what I believe is a true sense of the speaker's meaning. (12) In the same way, we choose our friends.
     (13) My father's ability to listen affects his whole life. (14) His ability allows him to form strong relationships with his coworkers and earns him lasting friendships. (15) It allows him to have open conversations with his children. (16) Furthermore, it has strengthened his relationship with my mother. (17) Certainly, his talent is one that I hope to develop as I mature.

Those who have a strong grasp of the sentence improvement subsection will probably not find the paragraph improvement portion significantly more difficult. A quick analysis of the essay (before reading the questions) reveals the following errors in the above passage (though if you want to challenge yourself, skip the analysis and see how you do without my help):

Point 1. Sentence (2) is not a complete sentence. A colon might work instead.
Point 2. Sentence (4) is awkwardly phrased because parts of it is written in the passive voice (This sentence also contains a parallel structure problem).
Point 3. In sentence (7) "By all accounts" may not be the best transition here, since (7) presents information that contradicts that of (6). Something along the lines of "however" or "but" might be more appropriate.
Point 5. (10) "His eyes are fixed on whoever is speaking" is awkwardly phrased. Furthermore, "on" is a preposition so the following pronoun should be "whomever", not "whoever".
Point 6. With regards to sentence (12): Who cares how you think we should treat our friends? I mean, it's great that you treat your friends nicely, but your friendship is irrelevant to your father's "exceptional talent", which is the topic of your essay.
Point 7. (13) and (14) both refer to his father's ability to listen. The two sentences may need to be combined.

Overall, the essay sounds clunky and would therefore need a lot of work. My analysis isn't perfect, but it takes care of at least half the work that you're gonna do. Look at the following problems:

30. Of the following, which is the best way to revise and combine sentences 1 and 2 (reproduced below)?
My father has an exceptional talent. The ability to understand people.
(A) My father has an exceptional talent and the ability to understand people.
(B) My father has an exceptional talent that includes the ability to understand people.
(C) My father has an exceptional talent: the ability to understand people.
(D) My father has an exceptional talent, it is his ability to understand people.
(E) Despite my father's exceptional talent, he still has the ability to understand people.

31. Of the following, which is the best way to phrase sentence 4 (reproduced below)?
He listens intently, asks me some questions, and my feelings are seemingly known by him exactly.
(A) (As it is now)
(B) Listening intently, he will ask me some questions and then my exact feelings are seemingly known to him.
(C) As he listens to me and asks me some questions, he seems to be knowing exactly my feelings.
(D) He listened to me and asked me some questions, seeming to know exactly how I felt.
(E) He listens intently, asks me some questions, and then seems to know exactly how I feel.

32. In sentence 7, the phrase by all accounts is best replaced by
(A) however
(B) moreover
(C) to my knowledge
(D) like my sister
(E) but nevertheless

33. Which of the following sentences should be omitted to improve the unity of the second paragraph?
(A) Sentence 8
(B) Sentence 9
(C) Sentence 10
(D) Sentence 11
(E) Sentence 12

34. In context, which of the following is the best way to phrase the underlined portion of sentence 16 (reproduced below)?
Furthermore, it has strengthened his relationship with my mother.
(A) (As it is now)
(B) Further strengthening
(C) But it strengthens
(D) However, he is strengthening
(E) Considering this, he strengthens

35. A strategy that the writer uses within the third paragraph is to
(A) make false assumptions and use exaggerations
(B) include difficult vocabulary
(C) repeat certain words and sentence patterns
(D) argue in a tone of defiance
(E) turn aside from the main subject





The answers are at the bottom of the page.










Answers: CEAEAC











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