Introduction
In this post, I will (1) talk about Ancient Greek toilet humor and (2) apply Ancient Greek toilet humor in multiple SAT essay prompts. This is an ironic way to show you just how easy it is to bullshit on the SAT. Of course, you need to prepare more "scholarly" examples for your SAT essay (i.e., you can't talk about farting and shitting, you silly goose), but who gives a shit today? This is for practice. Read on...Socrates, while explaining to the dumb Athenian Strepsiades that thunder is a natural phenomenon and not the product of Zeus:
"First think of the tiny fart that your intestines make. Then consider the heavens: their infinite farting is thunder. For thunder and farting are, in principle, one and the same." --Socrates (Aristophanes, The Clouds)Also...
"Oh you most honoured sacred goddesses, in answer to your thunder call I’d like to fart..." - Strepsiades (Aristophanes, The Clouds)Those of you who are too lazy to read the entire play can watch this video to have a rough idea of what The Clouds is about.
Here's a summary of what you just watched. The summary would probably receive a D- in a philosophy class, but it'd get a pretty good grade in College Board wonderland.
Summary of The Clouds
Phidippides, an avid fan of horseracing, is the son of Strepsiades. Due to his son’s lavish lifestyle, Strepsiades is in debt. Strepsiades suggests that his son visit a thinkery to learn from the sophists, who teach students rhetoric and dishonest, yet persuasive, argumentation. Much to Strepsiades’s chagrin, Phidippedes refuses to go. Strepsiades therefore visits the thinkery himself.
When Strepsiades arrives in the thinkery, he sees Socrates sitting in a basket. When he asks Socrates how he can learn the “unjust logic”, Socrates gives a variety of odd responses. For example, he talks about making wax slippers to measure how far flees can jump, bashes Zeus by proposing his own theory of a vortex of air, and contends that gnats make their characteristic humming sound from their asses, not their mouths. Despite the weirdness of it all, Strepsiades decides to learn from Socrates when he hears the Clouds tell him that he will live a happy, enviable life if he learns from Socrates.
Socrates does not seem to like Strepsiades very much, calling him an “insufferable dolt” (SAT language for “goddamn idiot”). Socrates also makes Strepsiades sleep in a flee-ridden bed, perhaps as a way of insinuating that Strepsiades is receiving a “dirty” education fit for lawyers and politicians, not philosophers.
Incensed, Strepsiades goes home and tells Phidippides to go to the thinkery. Annoyed, Phidippides gives in to his father’s request. Before leaving, however, he states that his father will come to regret his decision.
In the thinkery, Phidippides hears an argument between the unjust logic and the just logic. The just logic argues in favor of chastity. Specifically, they contend that those who are chaste are bountifully rewarded. They proffer the example of Peleus, who receives a sword and a wife for being chaste. In response to this argument, the unjust logic notes that, though Peleus received a sword and a wife for being chaste, he failed to please his wife in bed. Peleus’s wife therefore got sick of his sexual inadequacies and left him. The unjust logic wins the argument.
Meanwhile, Strepsiades talks to the creditors, and, surprisingly, argues his way out of paying his debts! But don’t feel too happy for Strepsiades just yet. At the end of the play, Phidippides returns to Strepsiades and beats him up. While his father screams for help, Phidippides persuasively argues that it is right to beat the crap out of one’s own father. Utterly pissed at the end of the ass-whooping, Strepsiades returns to the thinkery and tries to burn down the place. Socrates asks Strepsiades what he is doing. Strepsiades replies that his arson is merely a grand act of philosophizing. When Socrates and the students flee the smoking building, Strepsiades throws a bunch of rocks at the students and kicks Socrates.
The End
Time to Bullshit
Now, for the fun part. Take a look at the following prompts and see if you can use The Clouds to answer each of them.
Prompt 1: Should people choose one of two opposing sides of an issue, or is the truth usually found "in the middle"?
Prompt 2: Can books and stories about characters and events that are not real teach us anything useful?
Prompt 3: Can deception—pretending that something is true when it is not—sometimes have good results?How did it go? Let me know if you came up with anything. Here's what I have (WARNING: UTTER BULLSHIT AHEAD!)
Prompt 1: Should people choose one of two opposing sides of an issue, or is the truth usually found "in the middle"?
Although it is tempting to think that one can acquire knowledge by resorting to a "middle ground" between two opposing sides, I will argue that such reasoning is flawed. To support this assertion, I will invoke the example of Aristophanes's Greek comedy, The Clouds.
The Clouds, one of Aristophanes most famous plays, serves as a humorous example of how one can more likely arrive at the truth by picking one of two opposing sides rather than seeking it "in the middle". In the play, the character Strepsiades visits the "thinkery", a place where Socrates and his students study rhetoric and argumentation, to learn the art of persuasion. In the thinkery, Strepsiades overhears an argument between students of two opposing philosophical views: that of the "just logic" and that of the "unjust logic". Proponents of the just logic argued that chastity brings its practitioners bountiful rewards. They cite, as an example, a man named Peleus, who received a sword and a beautiful wife for being chaste. In response to this argument, proponents of the unjust logic argue that, though Peleus did in fact receive a sword and a wife, he failed to quench his wife's sexual appetite, thereby making her leave. Eventually, the side of the unjust logic wins. This debate in The Clouds shows us that one sometimes cannot find the truth simply by searching "in the middle". Just as one can find truth either in "the just logic" or the "unjust logic", so one can most likely find truth in one of two opposing sides.
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Prompt 2: Can books and stories about characters and events that are not real teach us anything useful?
Although it is tempting to think that one cannot learn anything useful from fictional characters and events, I will argue to the contrary. In fact, I will demonstrate how fiction can be an effective medium for conveying meaningful life lessons by invoking a scene from the Greek comedy The Clouds, written by Aristophanes.
In the beginning of The Clouds, Strepsiades, a penniless Athenian, decided to send his son Phidippides to a "thinkery" so that he can learn the art of persuasion and talk his way out of paying his debts. At first, Phidippides refuses to go, but he eventually visits the thinkery and learns rhetoric and debate. Unfortunately, Phidippides returns to Strepsiades and beats him up. While Strepsiades screams for help, Phidippides persuasively argues that it is right to beat the crap out of one’s own father. Enraged, Strepsiades returns to the thinkery and tries to burn down the place. Socrates asks Strepsiades what he is doing. Strepsiades replies that his arson is merely a grand act of philosophizing. When Socrates and the students flee the smoking building, Strepsiades hurls rocks at the students and kicks Socrates. Clearly, the violent ending of this play shows us that it is not wise to learn rhetoric and sophistic "tricks" for the purpose of "getting ahead of others". Although the play is fictional, its lesson is as valuable today as it has ever been.
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Prompt 3: Can deception—pretending that something is true when it is not—sometimes have good results?
(This one is very bad. I'm tired. It's 4 a.m.)
Although acts of deception are at best morally questionable and at worst morally repugnant, I will argue that deception can sometimes have good results despite its immoral implications. To support my argument, I will invoke Aristophanes's play, The Clouds, as an example of how deception may be instrumentally valuable.
In Aristophanes's renowned play, The Clouds, the poverty-stricken Strepsiades resorts to studying rhetoric so that he can confront his creditors and talk his way out of paying his debts. Though Socrates seems to have discouraged Strepsiades from learning sophistry, Strepsiades perseveres and gets what he wanted: a life free of debt and the license to do whatever he wants. At the end of the play, Strepsiades attacks Socrates and hurls stones at the students in the thinkery, all the while rationalizing his actions by deploying deceptive language. In this case, deception, which is inherently wrong, yielded good results for the deceiver at the expense of other people. Thus, this example shows us that deception can sometimes bring us "good", albeit morally reprehensible, results.
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