Altar of Hymen, Temple of Low Men: College Board Bowdlerization and Reading Practice!

Since we're going to talk about gender equality reading passages today, the following image seems pertinent to the discussion:

About a week ago, someone asked me to look over some SAT reading questions. Since I did not have a copy of the test, I decided to get creative with Google. Although I failed to find the SAT passage itself, I did manage to find the original passage, which turned out to be an excerpt from a chapter of Charlotte Brontë's novel, Shirley. The reading was less boring than it looked; its double entendre (pronounced more like du-blan-tand than dubble an-tan-dra), made me chuckle:

Never to the altar of Hymen with Sam Wynne.

I'm no literature wiz, but my guess is that she meant to say that Sam Wynne, the rich and vulgar moron who sucks at both art and literature, will neither be a "high man" (man of high culture) nor the man who deflowers her, thereby rupturing her "hymen". Cool! A joke about virgins! Or, perhaps the joke is illusory, merely a product of my libidinous brain and millions of years of evolution.

At any rate, College Board found the term "hymen" objectionable and thus censored out Ms. Brontë's reference to that portion of the female genitalia. Here is the sterilized, SAT version of that particular sentence.

Never to the altar with Sam Wynne.

See? Now the sentence isn't funny at all. Anyway, I've given an excerpt of the original version below. Just read the passage as practice for the upcoming test. If you don't understand the reading, ask me. If you're too lazy to ask me, then you'll have to make do with the following synopsis:

1. Uncle tells girl to marry a, well, "tool".
2. Girl refuses to marry the tool.
3. Uncle argues with girl, who responds with girlish wit and sarcasm.
4. Uncle, vexed by the girl's wit and sarcasm, begins to call the girl "unladylike".
5. Girl doesn't give a damn. She isn't going to marry a tool.
6. Uncle proceeds by making empty threats, telling the girl that she will marry a mendicant.
7. Girl doesn't give a damn. She won't marry a mendicant.

This is a classic Gender Equality reading passage. Thus, you should expect the girl to be in the right and the guy to be in the wrong. As a whole, the passage will advocate gender equality. It will likely present men in a somewhat negative light and put women in new-found positions of power or freedom (after years of sexism or oppression).

Read the passage (posted below) yourself.

Miss Keeldar and her uncle had characters that would not harmonize, that never had harmonized. He was irritable, and she was spirited. He was despotic, and she liked freedom. He was worldly, and she, perhaps, romantic.

Not without purpose had he come down to Yorkshire. His mission was clear, and he intended to discharge it conscientiously. He anxiously desired to have his niece married, to make for her a suitable match, give her in charge to a proper husband, and wash his hands of her for ever.

The misfortune was, from infancy upwards, Shirley and he had disagreed on the meaning of the words "suitable" and "proper." She never yet had accepted his definition; and it was doubtful whether, in the most important step of her life, she would consent to accept it.

The trial soon came.

Mr. Wynne proposed in form for his son, Samuel Fawthrop Wynne.

"Decidedly suitable! most proper!" pronounced Mr. Sympson. "A fine unencumbered estate, real substance, good connections. It must be done!"

He sent for his niece to the oak parlour; he shut himself up there with her alone; he communicated the offer; he gave his opinion; he claimed her consent.

It was withheld.

"No; I shall not marry Samuel Fawthrop Wynne."

"I ask why. I must have a reason. In all respects he is more than worthy of you."

She stood on the hearth. She was pale as the white marble slab and cornice behind her; her eyes flashed large, dilated, unsmiling.

"And I ask in what sense that young man is worthy of me?"

"He has twice your money, twice your common sense, equal connections, equal respectability."

"Had he my money counted fivescore times I would take no vow to love him."

"Please to state your objections."

"He has run a course of despicable, commonplace profligacy. Accept that as the first reason why I spurn him."

"Miss Keeldar, you shock me!"

"That conduct alone sinks him in a gulf of immeasurable inferiority. His intellect reaches no standard I can esteem: there is a second stumbling-block. His views are narrow, his feelings are blunt, his tastes are coarse, his manners vulgar."

"The man is a respectable, wealthy man! To refuse him is presumption on your part."

"I refuse point-blank! Cease to annoy me with the subject; I forbid it!"

"Is it your intention ever to marry; or do you prefer celibacy?"

"I deny your right to claim an answer to that question."

"May I ask if you expect some man of title—some peer of the realm—to demand your hand?"

"I doubt if the peer breathes on whom I would confer it."

"Were there insanity in the family, I should believe you mad. Your eccentricity and conceit touch the verge of frenzy."

"Perhaps, ere I have finished, you will see me over-leap it."

"I anticipate no less. Frantic and impracticable girl! Take warning! I dare you to sully our name by a mésalliance!"

"Our name! Am I called Sympson?"

"God be thanked that you are not! But be on your guard; I will not be trifled with!"

"What, in the name of common law and common sense, would you or could you do if my pleasure led me to a choice you disapproved?"

"Take care! take care!" warning her with voice and hand that trembled alike.

"Why? What shadow of power have you over me? Why should I fear you?"

"Take care, madam!"

"Scrupulous care I will take, Mr. Sympson. Before I marry I am resolved to esteem—to admire—to love."

"Preposterous stuff! indecorous, unwomanly!"

"To love with my whole heart. I know I speak in an unknown tongue; but I feel indifferent whether I am comprehended or not."

"And if this love of yours should fall on a beggar?"

"On a beggar it will never fall. Mendicancy is not estimable."

"On a low clerk, a play-actor, a play-writer, or—or——"

"Take courage, Mr. Sympson! Or what?"

"Any literary scrub, or shabby, whining artist."

"For the scrubby, shabby, whining I have no taste; for literature and the arts I have. And there I wonder how your Fawthrop Wynne would suit me. He cannot write a note without orthographical errors; he reads only a sporting paper; he was the booby of Stilbro' grammar school!"

"Unladylike language! Great God! to what will she come?" He lifted hands and eyes.

"Never to the altar of Hymen with Sam Wynne."

"To what will she come? Why are not the laws more stringent, that I might compel her to hear reason?"

"Console yourself, uncle. Were Britain a serfdom and you the Czar, you could not compel me to this step. I will write to Mr. Wynne. Give yourself no further trouble on the subject."